You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
