Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
BRING THE BAGELS
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
