You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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