she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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