I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize