1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
