And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
