I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
