Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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