Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
