Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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