Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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