She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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