Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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