Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
