Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
