I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
