My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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