dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
