Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
