Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
