If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
