mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
