so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
