Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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