oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
