i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
