office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
