Cold hands, warm shart.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize