Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
