Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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