Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
