i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
