I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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