it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
