My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
