Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
