Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
