im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
