I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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