OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
