I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
