oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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