You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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