i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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