wakey wakey hands off snakey
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
