did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
