I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
