Umm I'm too high to move.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
