break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
