i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
