Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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