Where did you get a picture of my penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
