shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
