Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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