I need help removing her.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
