The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm too high and old for this...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Congratulations! We have a period
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize