I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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