OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
