I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
