I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
