I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
