Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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