I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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