T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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