Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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