Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
