Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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