My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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