i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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