then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
