Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
3pm strippers are depressing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
