R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
