I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
