Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
