If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
