TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
