When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
