Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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