Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
