Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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