Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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