She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
