Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
