he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
