i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
