Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize