You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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