Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
