I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
