Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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