went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
