i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The adults are the big ones right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
