After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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