I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
