Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
