he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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