we have officially mastered the walk of shame
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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