My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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