Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
