I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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