i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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