I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
