We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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