wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
