we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
