Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize