nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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